Farewell Sweet Maggie

My step-grandma passed away April 28, 2013 after a long decline from Alzheimer's disease.  She came into our lives in 1991 when she and my grandpa married.  It was a second marriage for each of them, and it was much needed companionship.  She was a brilliant cook, often just cooking by instinct rather than from a recipe.  She also sewed without using patterns.  

The sad thing was that I never really got close to her until after she began to decline.  She wasn't a mean woman, just not the squishy milk-and-cookies kind of grandma.  She didn't want us to sit on the floor, roughhouse in the back yard.  I chock that up to the time she was born and raised in and not any form of malice or spite.  She loved us in her own way and we loved her back in ours.  

I will keep the sweet moments of dancing with her in the living room while Ella Fitzgerald serenaded us.  Giggling over the cute, silly things she said.  Kissing her utterly adorable nose!  

How much she loved my Grandpa.  

Mary Margaret Nightser Labouy Wildi 

1922-2013

There was a viewing, and many dear friends from the neighborhood she and my grandpa lived in came to pay their respects.  

My mother and neighborhood friend admiring Maggie's dress.

Mr. Parker and his sweet Mama!

Viewings can be weird for people.  Some people, like my fiancee find them morbid and weird.  This turned out to be a wonderful time with family and friends.  We told the best "Maggie Stories" and laughed until we cried.  It was wonderful.  We celebrated that she wasn't in pain any more, that she was at peace at last.

Maggie and her Georgie <3 p="">

The Good in the World

It's Monday.  Often it's the difficult day of the week because we're all still luxuriating in the weekend, so I have a pick-me-up for ya!

This video, from dash cams in Russia made me all fuzzy inside, and perhaps tear up a little.  It's not the cats that were rescued, or the mama duck and her ducklings.  Not the wonderful people who towed or pushed other cars back onto the road.  It was the people, mostly men, who stopped their vehicles, got out and helped elderly ladies cross a busy road.  In America, we take little notice of elders, particularly as young people.  They're grandparents who are visited occasionally, but we don't live with them like people in other places do.  They aren't another set of parents, a source of wisdom and comfort.  While mine weren't necessarily all of that, I did love them and have a very soft spot in my heart for elders.
If you see someone who needs some help, try offering.  Give them a smile and an arm.  It's unusual for the older folks and they'll love you for it.
I was at a show at the Paramount where the stairs to the ladies room are quite steep.  People were flowing up and down around this tiny woman at the top.  Holding on to the railing and peering down nervously.  I stepped up beside her, letting traffic flow around me, and offered to walk her down the stairs.  She smiled and took my arm, and we chatted amicably as we descended like queens. Slow, stately.
There, at the bottom was her husband, looking around for her.  He relaxed when he saw I was helping her down the stairs.  At the bottom, I bid her good day and handed off the darling to her sweet hubby.  They thanked me and went in for the second half of the show.

I don't tell you this to pat myself on the back, I tell you this as an example.  It works, and you end up glowing with happiness after you do it.  Always ask if someone would like some help.  It's like that scene in the movie Amelie, where she helps the blind man to the entrance of the subway.  You'll end up all glowy, just like him.

xoxo,
Anna


p.s. - when offering a hand to an elderly person, be ready to take some of their weight.  Go slowly and don't rush them.  They can be fragile creatures, who need someone to be a little stronger than they are.  

The Terrible Burden of Youth

Being young can be an awful thing sometimes.  This morning we received a call that Nate's Grandmother is moving into assisted living.  This came completely out of left field for us, she is in decent health, but there was no forewarning for my honey that this life change was coming.

I have been through this several times in the last decade and it comes as no surprise to me that our grandparents are moving into this stage of their lives.  It is our generation that is going to loose theirs right now.  It is just a matter of time.  And that is the tragedy of being this age at this time.  We are ushering out a generation and welcoming new roles in our lives.  My parents will eventually become grandparents to my children.  I will take the role that my mother has held, time will pass.

When you're a child, you don't think about time in the same way as adults do.  Adults understand the concept of death, of life, of change.  Children watch holidays, they make memories, they think that these traditions will never change.  Then they do, and life is disrupted until the child comes to the understanding that nothing is permanent.  At that point you fight the idea, it bothers you because it is foreign and unpleasant.  Until the time when you accept that death is the mirror of life, that it is perfectly natural for people and things to die, and that you accept that nothing is permanent, the concept will bother you.

I accept that someday I will be the adult taking care of my elderly parents.  I will watch them age, become infirm, do fewer things, and eventually die.  I don't like to dwell on it, but I refuse to ignore it.  I accept that I will have to help my love care for his parents when their time comes.  I tell myself to be strong and to treasure absolutely every second of life as it is right-this-minute-now.

That is why I love the rain, I love hearing the sounds of life; children laughing, birds singing, my lover breathing in the bed beside me.  I let it move through me and I make it part of me and I love it all.  I don't love death, but neither am I afraid of it.  It just means that it is time, that the string of life is at it's end and that is just how it is.  It means that the time has come to move onwards in whatever journey the human spirit takes, whatever there is beyond this corporeal life, regardless of what you call it; heaven, the afterlife, etc, it is something greater.  It has to be.  I believe it.

Sorry for the heavy topic, but it was on my heart.  

Beautiful Moment

we talked about what we wanted as parents.  we defined what 'socially awkward' and 'socialized' meant for each of us.  we talked about where we want to be financially, emotionally, physically when we make the choice to become parents.  we talked about the terrible decisions that can be inherent to parenting and the decision to have children.
he played his game and I cried.  they were the happiest of tears.
i feel like such a grown-up that  might need to play in some mud.  i am glad for that talk and i welcome the future conversations that go with it.



i am comforted to know i have an ally.
i have a partner.  a best friend.  he is my lover, my equal, and my greatest joy.  

Wedding Fodder...

or..."The Dress, The Hair, The Ring, and The Man"

Old friends ask me, "When are you getting married?"  It's become so old hat to reply, "When I'm done with school." that I don't really think about something two years+ away.  Until I found these pictures, courtesy of Tumblr, and began dreaming.

The ring is a family heirloom from his side.  It was custom designed by Great grandfather and has been handed down from father to son for four generations now.  When the couple reaches their 25th wedding anniversary the ring is tucked away (in the original box!), to await the romance of the next generation, and a new ring procured.  I'm thinking something gothy?  Steampunk?  Or just plain lovely.

My grand scheme is to make my dress, probably as a senior project for school, and go from there.  I have struggled with what silhouette I want and then I found this fun purple (made from a tent!) frock.

I love the neckline, not terribly keen on the sleeves, but that's okay.  I also adore the button sash.  I'm such a sucker for button details...

Then I stumbled on this photograph and fell madly in love with the hair idea.  By the time I actually get hitched my hair is going to be so long.  I'm thinking peonies, or something equally sumptuous.  Or just a crown of autumn leaves.  We are getting married in October after all. 

Oh, yes, the most important part.  My honey-bunny.  Couldn't do this without him!