Tuesday, February 02, 2010

A post : in two parts

The show is going nicely. Director Mok is making magic with the first cast and we're adding in more of the second cast where we can. It's crazy good.

And there's some of this:

I am an unabashed self portrait artist. I love taking pictures of myself because it causes me to look at myself from my own eyes. Other people take my picture and I pose for them, giving them a face that is happy and carefree when, perhaps inside, I am not. It makes me admit things. Makes me contemplate and decide.

I admit I have depression. I decided to go to the doctor today and see what I need to do to get on with more of my life instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I want to beat this deamon as much as I can. Summertime helps, being on my own helps, the love of my life helps the most. I am committed to him. I promised him I would seek help, seek healing. I am seeing a doctor and looking into therapy. I am not cutting my hair. I am not hurting myself. I am fighting, deep in the trenches in that erie lull before the shit hits the fan and I have to grapple with my deamon again. This time I have armor, this time I have re-enforcements, this time I am prepared to fight back rather than merely sit by and wait for it to pass. This time, I am ready.

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